Time for some travel, this time with my wife n the little new addition to the family.Got some cheap air tickets and found myself staring at the TV screen in the airport-waiting lounge.
Kept wondering what It would be like appearing on TV. Well surely I would not want to appear on the dimwitted regional channel being aired. These days its always some song or dance reality show that is being broadcasted.
Maybe one of the international channels Discovery or Nat Geo might not be a bad idea. Nat Geo.. very cool, but on second thoughts I wouldn’t want to appear on ’20 seconds to disaster’ on Nat Geo.I am here waiting to catch a flight, Hope I don’t turn up on ‘Air Crash Investigations’ either.
Anyways time to board and sooner than expected we are seated in the plane.
Welcome to Air Fisher, I'm your pilot Jack speaking and with me I have our first officer Arkadi Khruschev. (Russian Air crew come cheap by the dozen these days).
Midway through the flight, the plane starts to wobble a bit. The pilot finds the Air speed indicator oscillating more than required. The plane seems to be losing altitude.
Now how important is documentation for any product? . Turns out, in the Aircraft industry - Very Important.
If you have watched Nat Geo’s ‘Air Crash Investigations’, I’m sure you must have come across episodes where pilots scan through pages of the flight manual to troubleshoot unexpected situations in mid flight.
I am still not sure why they rely on the flight manuals when its much easier to do a search and find using a laptop or Comp rather than browsing through a book page by page ?
Anyways since there was no .pdf manual they had to rely on the book.
Jack asks Khruschev to fetch the in-fight reference manuals. Khruschev opens the overhead cabin and finds 3 books.
- Microsoft flight simulator
- Flying for Dummies
- 737 Flight manual
It does not take much time for both to settle for the 737 Flight manual
Soon they spot the situation they are facing, which is covered under Troubleshooting Issue A-493. Flip to the troubleshooting index and both stare in horror.
It so happened that the book that they were carrying was the basic edition. Section A-493 is included only in the Enterprise edition of the manual.
But hang on, no cause for worries. The fine print below says
You can call our 24 x 7 customer care center number. Its a 1800 toll free number (outsourced of course to keep costs low).
Finally they get through and reach the customer care system.
This no different from other systems, the all-familiar message starts off.
You have reached the Boeing customer service department.
Press 1 for English, 2 for French, 3 for Russian, 4 for German ...
for those who have a videophone we also have instructions in sign language to assist the hearing impaired.
Suddenly Jack can no longer follow what’s going on. Our good old friend Khruschev pressed 3, and the instructions are now in Russian.
What the heck !!! backup on the menu and select 1 for English otherwise we are all going down.
A few anxious moments backtracking and back to the English menu. Next sub menu.
Press 1 if your aircraft is a Boeing 737, press 2 if your aircraft is a 747, press 3 if it’s a 767.
If you are not able to identify the model then press 0
The choice is made, 1 it is. A few more anxious moments and the next message streams through.
Please wait as all our executives are attending to other customers, You are the 2nd in queue your call is very dear to us. We thank you for your patience.
Finally a real human voice. Thank you for holding sir, you are speaking to the Boeing 27 x 7 customer support division, how may I help you?
The pilot blabbers out May day May day the engines are failing bla bla bla ..
A long pause at the other end is broken by a, Thank you for your patience, But before we proceed we need to authenticate your aircraft. Please tell me the Aircraft serial number.
Ok Damn it hurry up and tell me where do I find the serial number?
It can be found etched on the left window panel on the cockpit.
Please repeat the 15 digit serial number followed by the month and year of manufacture.
Khruschev rattles off the serial number. The operator goes hmm ok thank you .. hmm ummm.. 4234008.. ok , looks fine. One more pause and ..
Are you sure below the serial number it does not say 'Made in China' anywhere?
No !! For the love of god, there is no ‘Made in China’ written anywhere.
Thank you sir, this confirms that the plane was indeed manufactured by The Everett, Washington factory.
Could you please call the Airhostess? And pass on the headphones to her?
The pilot goes What!! Are you sure this is the right time for this? We don’t have time to play games.
Yes I know what I am doing. You have to trust me.
The Airhostess is summoned and she listens to the instructions from Customer Support, she goes .. umm hmm, aha .. Oh .. ok
She then disappears.
The headphones are handed back to the pilot. Things should return to normal in a short while, meanwhile may I place you on hold, as I have two other airplanes in queue.
Then the pilot is put on to the all-familiar elevator music.
A few minutes trickle by and suddenly everything on the plane is back to normal.
Darn !! what was the problem that the Air Hostess could solve ?
Turned out that someone left the lavatory door unlocked and the whiff from the lavatory was knocking the pilot’s out of their senses.
With the door shut tight everything returned to normal.
So we didn’t make it to Nat Geo Air crash investigation after all. Back at our destination and off to continue another normal day.
