The Wedding Lunch

When was the last time you were invited for a wedding thali lunch? Served on a plantain leaf. Here are some of my experiences, which many of you may have experienced.

It all starts with the washing of the leaf once its placed in front of you. All the servers would insist that you first wash the leaf. The definition of washing here is sprinkling a few drops of water on it and wiping it with your bare hands. How clean can this make it? Imagine you asking your maid to wash the plates at home in the same way!! i.e. sprinkle 14 drops of water over the plate and wipe it. But here this is considered a perfect way to wash the leaf.

All now settled down and the food supervisor signals to start the serving. In marches the congregation of servers. All our lady friends have a beaming smirk on their faces, cause turns out that today’s group of male servers are all topless.

However with changing times and importance given to hygiene demand for the topless battalions are dwindling. It shouldn’t be long before caterers realize this and get their topless servers shaved and waxed before every meal.

The next puzzle is when the serving starts. Most of the time side dishes are served in minuscule quantities. You feel like you are a wine sampler on the job. The suspense is that you are never sure of how many more dishes are on their way.

Because of this you either eat too much in the beginning and are stuffed by the time the rest of the dishes arrive. Or you eat too less expecting the best ones to turn up later, only to find that the meal has ended.

I think an Electronic board should be installed which would give the current live status of the meal. A sample would read

• Item: status
• ---------------
• Papad: Served
• Pickle: Served
• Rice: In progress
• Sambar: In progress
• Lemon Rice: Scheduled
• Curd Rice : Available on request
  
• Sweet: Scheduled
• Ice Cream: Scheduled
• Paan: Self service (Age proof required)
• Coconut: (Take away..., only 1 per family, Proxy collection strictly prohibited)

This way one can perfectly plan the quantities of portions to eat.

Lunch over, now its time to thank the host. Here again there is only one standard question to which there is a standard answer. Deviating from this standard would be a violation of the 1965 veg thali Act.

Question asked by the host
How was the food? Did you eat well?

Answer that you are supposed to give:
Ya the food was excellent, In fact I am so full that I feel like going home and taking a nap.

Although what you are thinking may be:
huh' I could’ve gone and had that Biryani I was thinking about.